Pre-marital Counseling

Nicole and I are now finished with our pre-marital counseling at Calvary Chapel, Pasadena and we're cleared for take off. We did our counseling with Pastor Tony, whom I haven't spent so many hours with since I was thirteen when he was teaching my junior high Sunday school class.

Two things he said were strangely surprising to me. The first one concerned the likelihood of divorced women over 40 years old getting married again. He said, "What are the odds of a divorced woman over 40 getting remarried?"

"Uh," says I, "It's not impossible..." This he chuckles at.

Says Pastor Tony, "The odds are that a divorced woman over forty is more likely to be struck by lightning than to get married again."

"How can this be?" I wondered. Surely women over 40 can still be charming and attractive and hook up for life with a suitable guy. Indeed, it is so. But the odds are apparently very low that ladies that age want to be bothered with having a husband anymore.

Says Pastor Tony, "Women do just fine on their own. They learn that they don't need men. What do you think is the average amount of time that divorced men over 50 stay single?" I don't venture to guess. "18 months," says Pastor Tony. Men that age don't know how to function on their own, they need somebody to take care of them.

The second thing that surprised me was the idea that women are physically weaker than men. Of course I know this, but I never think of it in terms of rest and needing sleep. I always assume that women like to take naps and sleep because it's their style, they like to relax and wear pretty things. I mean some of them like to wear pretty things. But tons of them like to go to the spa and to get skin treatments. I usually put their desire for rest and lots of sleep in this category.

It turns out that women physically really do require more sleep than men. I can't count the number of times I've become annoyed, while watching a movie, because some woman (could be Mom, could be a friend, I'm just speaking generally) I say, some woman says, right in the middle of the movie, "Gosh I'm tired. I think I'm going to go lie down and take a nap. I'll watch the rest of this movie later." What the frig?!! Aren't you the least bit involved in this movie I've picked out for you to watch? You're gonna go lie down, huh? Well that's the last time I try to introduce you to my world, you ingrate! Why do I bother trying to haul these Philistines out of their mundane lives and get them to think on higher levels? (sorry Mom.)

As I say, it turns out that they're actually tired; after a long day they don't feel like staying up late watching movies, they wanna go to sleep. I myself would prefer to prop my eyelids up with toothpicks and watch a couple more movies before going to sleep at 3 a.m., but (unlike me) they aren't physically designed to do this. Interesting.

Now I have to determine if Nicole was really tired when we turned off "Beyond the Valley of the Dolls" right in the middle or if, as I suspected, she just thought it was disgusting. Or both.

Speaking of getting married, Nicole and I set up our wedding registries on the internet. We're gonna stick with Amazon, Bed Bath & Beyond, and Pottery Barn. Given my personality, it's not surprising that registering is difficult for me. Every time I try to put something on the list I hear a non-existent uncle saying, "Dang, you want me to buy you an $80 shower head? Whaddaya want that for? Why don't you buy a cheap one at the Target? What did you ever do for me? You're a loser." I saw a yogurt maker that I wanted, but I thought that folk would make fun of me for wanting to eat yogurt. And what's more, I don't deserve to be given a yogurt maker. What have I done to earn a free yogurt maker? Maybe uncle is right. Anyway, it's gonna be a slow process.