So you like flavored coffee creamer

Time to move on. I made the mistake of trying to understand what I was dealing with in the staff lounge refrigerator situation. There is no refrigerator monitor, there is no method or reason, there’s only mob rule. A mob of dull, furtive, hopeless, unattractive peasants with no aspirations and a limited vocabulary. And they like flavored coffee creamer. “Taking other people’s things at work is okay - I deserve them because I will never have the nice things I see on the TV. Or if I can get away with not coming to work at all today, that’s even better.” God help the patients in this hospital.

The disgusting, probably expired “Dulce de Leche” coffee creamer that I planted in the refrigerator remained there for two days. But after the first day, someone removed my identification label and about half of the contents were gone. On the third day I noticed the empty container in the garbage can.

Then earlier this week I left a can of soda (I found it in a conference room) in the refrigerator with my actual initials and a date on the label. The next day I found the soda gone and the label left behind.

My initial reaction is to fill a coffee creamer bottle with watered-down mayonnaise and leave it in one of those refrigerators. This may happen, but I won’t honor this wretched staff lounge with any more blog posts. For now I merely left a “holiday cookie”-flavored air-freshener hidden in a nook behind one of the staff lounge microwaves. It smells awful, like cinnamon-flavored Play-Doh. The innocent will suffer with the guilty, but, like Clint Eastwood tells us, “We all got it coming, kid.” (-“Unforgiven”)